Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
