Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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