Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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