you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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