the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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