You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
