And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
