I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
