She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
