My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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