i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
