See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
