I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
