forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm both gender and math confused
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
