Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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