I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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