I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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