Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
