I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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