you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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