right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
