Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
