Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
