a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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