I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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