they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
