There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
