Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
