May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
