3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Your dad touched me again.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
