The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
