There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
