she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
