I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
ttyl tear gas
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
