This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
