the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
