My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So vagazzling was a success
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
