and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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