OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
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Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
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He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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