oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
