you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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