Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
