i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
