my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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