I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
