4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
