I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
