he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
