I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
