she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
