So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
