tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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