just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
