some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
