Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The adults are the big ones right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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