bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
