Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
