i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
