didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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