Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize