Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
